Retro Review- Batman Vs. Predator

Last week I said I wasn’t going to talk about Batman. And for the most part I didn’t. After all, this isn’t the Batman show and I’m sure that my love letters would get old after a while.
So I thought since I have allowed myself to talk about him again, I was going to come in with a bang. The Bat vs. A Predator. This shit is real and it is on. This was one of the first mini-series of Batman I have ever read, so it has a special place in my heart.

IT'S ON!

It starts with some boxing fight that shows two fighters. Don’t get attached thou, because those fuckers are dead before the first comic is even hits the half-way point. There is also some random Crime boss named Alex Yager that Batman thinks is behind the kills, because, well, it makes sense. At least to Batman, I was a little confused, because he was only connected to the fighters death, and not the other murders. The man has a fucking eyepatch and looks like the boss from Harvey bird man. Because, you need a crime boss who is a pirate? How does no one look at him, and go, yup, he is an evil asshole. I’m not really sure why he won the whole, Batman needs a villain thing, beside the fucking Predator. You think that would be enough, but the Bat does not make shit easy for himself. Beside the two fighters, there are just a bunch of random murders. For no reason. Like the Predator is just killing for no changelle. Which confuses me because don’t they usually go after someone who will bring them honur? Total red herring and even Batman is falling for it. The Predator has been busy. His Body count by the end of this is at least 25 people, at the most, 200. Anyone who talks out against this killer gets killed. Makes you wonder if they didn’t talk about it, would there be as many deaths. The predator even gets the mayor. Who only wants batman to take care of it because it is an election year. Mmmmm… What is wrong with the citizens in Gotham? There is a killer among them and they only want it to stop so they can look better? I don’t understand.

The end of the first comic, Batman is in a junk yard, getting his ass handed to him by a fucking Predator. Which does go on to issue two. Which is not that surprising, Bats has the habit of getting the shit handed to him when he is wrong. It is like the writer is punishing him. Which ends up being confusing. Since they are in control of what he does. But what do I know, maybe bats really does have a mind of his own, and he just allows them to write him.

Don't make me get out of this bed!

So Issue two opens with a bunch of shots of people being killed, the cops of Gotham with a bunch of what the shit faces, shots of the batmoblie, the cave covered in blood and bats recovering. All inner mixed which is neat storytelling, because that all these things are happening at once. Batman got away, I guess, by diving into the car and the Predator just saying fuck it? It is never really explained, but that is okay, this is Batman fighting a Predator, you can’t fuck it up.
And the man is fucked up. In fact Batman just spends pretty much the entire issue in bed, because, well, he got the shit kicked out of him. Fuck he lost enough blood to cover all the stairs. I mean Alfred wrapped his fucking eyes. The Pred thinks he is dead I guess, because he didn’t follow him. It is so bad that he ends up calling Jim Gordon saying, hey, calling in sick, but I think you might be next on the hit list. Good luck for that. And that is when the Pred shows up. Wonder what would happen if Batman haven’t called. Would the Pred have decided not to come?
Issue three we get the fight we are waiting for. And it is a good one, starting in front of the police station and ending up in the bat cave. Even Alferd gets a hit on this thing, then again, Alfred is the shit.

My God. This man kicks ass.

Aside Though: You know how in my superman rant I said that Ma Kent and Lois Lane need to fight crime? I am changing that. Ma Kent and Alfred need to fight crime together. It would be amazing. They would make Batman look like a chump.

The Predator ends up running through the manor then out into the yard. Where Bruce hits it with a baseball bat because he is BATMAN! Okay, bad joke. I’m sorry. Then more Predators show up and Bruce is like, well, we’re boned.

The ending is kinda lame. The large group of Predators, just kill the one that has been chasing Bruce around, hand him a sword, then leave. Why? I don’t know. It is never explained. It just happens and Bruce and Alfred just walk back to the manor trying to figure out what to tell the insurance company what happened to the windows.

This miniseries was great still. Even the end is that lame in comparison to the rest of the story, it just ended the only way it could.

And Bats win. But we aren't surprised.

One of the best things is that the Predator keeps calling Batman a “Son of a” and talking about Roast beef because he is just quoting what he heard. Which is just fun. I wish this part had gone a little farer than it did, just for the whole, fun factor. Have him watch Clint Eastwood and quote him.

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