Detective Comics #0-I make a lot of Bat Dick jokes.

Well, I have a few of the zero comics and I was told one of the comic guys that Batman Detective Comics was one that sold out in about five minutes of the store opening. Thank god for pull list, right?

Anyways, there are a few things I learned from this comic I wanted to share:

1.)    Clearly, Batman’s Dick is just attracted to evil, and we knew this, but it is now clear it was pretty much from the start.

2.)    We finally know why Bruce will never say that Alfred is his father, because everyone he says is like a parent to him are brutally murdered.

3.)    Batman looks funny with a beard. Clearly he is a hairy man, and I mean yeti status.

So there are two stories, one where Bruce is training in Japan and it seems to be he has gone back in time because they are dressed and acting like they are in Kenshin, aka, the Mejia era. So Batman gets a new power, time travel.  So we learn Bruce learned to train the kids with verbal abuse because that is how he learned.  He also meets a woman, who flirts with him hard core.  Oh, and she is totally evil because this is someone Batman is interested in.

Get away, Bitch be evil.

And I just say that seems like lazy fucking writing. Don’t get me wrong, Jania Hudson would have been fun if they didn’t drop her ass out of the series for no reason; but it just seems like lazy writing if you put Batman with a villain. Catwoman is sort of one, she ping pongs between villain and hero a lot, so you can’t say he ever gets over it. It is like, hey, BATMAN, You are a fucking hero. Maybe, maybe you shouldn’t be fucking your villains. It isn’t like your dick is really doing any rehabilitation to them.

And there are moments were you feel he just isn’t trying. Jezzebel Jet for example. He mentions that he knew on their first date she was evil, and still dated her. THAT I DON’T UNDER-FUCKING-STAND. He even told her he was batman. And knew she was evil on their first date. I want to know why the fuck there was a second one then. Or the fact he told her he was batman. Because I would be gone.

Or he pick women that have no personality that the writer feels they need to force on us.

I mean wouldn’t it be awesome, for just once, he dates another vigilante and doesn’t know she is one. Or hell, they both think the other is involved with the mob? So they start playing a cat and mouse game with each other because they are trying to catch each other in the act? Holy shit, I’m going to write and post this. Because it will be awesome. So stay tuned.

I think you shouldn’t have said that.

So you can see where the first story is going if you have read the second comment about it; makes it better, the master told him not to love anyone because it gets in his way of becoming a god. Which I find funny because I always saw Batman’s mission as a labor of love for the people of Gotham; Yes, his parents were the start, but now I really feel he does it for them. He could have stopped when he revenged them. But he hasn’t.

The second one is him coming home to Alfred.  Not much to write home about thou it is fun to see Alfred kick ass. Because he is the goddamn butler. And the bat Beard is what I will leave you on.

I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, but I’m in love with this beard. And I want him to have it all the time.

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