Ode to JLI- Or a rant on how JLI was probably better than Justice League

This kind of thing would never happen in Justice League, it just won’t. Because the level of shit those characters give, is in-fuckin-visiable.

I really, really miss JLI. I know it hasn’t been canceled long, but damn it, I already miss it. It is a hole in my life now. We got the annual, and now, I feel empty.

I saw that a lot of people were complaining that JLI wasn’t funny like it was supposed to be. But Honestly, I gave more shits about the characters in it than I did than those asshats in Justice League. And that has been my number one complaint about JL.  That no one has a personality.Go back and check, I will wait. JLI was good because it bothered to give the characters characterizations. Justice League, aside from Batman, they really have no personalities. Hal says funny things when the mode strikes him, Diana is just someone who stands around. Clark is trying to be Batman so hard it hurts; Arthur is just there like Barry. If you look at JLI, There was something going on there. Godvia was attracted to Booster, trying to understand what she really wanted to be on the team; because she was so far out of her element, and not afraid to admit. She had/has more personality than the whole fucking Justice League. THAT IS A GOODDAMN PROBLEM GUYS.( (I have dropped Justice League. You don’t even bother to have Superman and Wonder Woman have more than two words together, and now they are a couple? No, No, No, I will not read that shitty writing. It was forced and you know it. And I know it is going to be short lived and now we are going to be in that weird stupid position that Wonder Woman is going to be waiting for whomever Superman ends up with to die so she can have him. Heaven Forbid that a Man and Woman just be fucking friends. And I liked their brother and sister relationship because it was fun. And natural.)) I knew where Booster Gold and Guy stood with each other. I, for the life of me, can’t tell you how Superman and Batman feel about each other. They hang outside of the league, sure, but I really can’t tell you if they like each other. It doesn’t feel like they are going out and grabbing coffee and shooting the shit like friends would. Just I need help to punch someone and then get the fuck out of my life.

Godvia, the woman with more personality than the whole Justice League combined.

JLI, yea, they were stuck with each other, but damn it they tried to care about each other. They tried to make bonds with each other. Guy and Booster were upset when half the crew ended up in the hospital and Red Rocket end up dead. I just don’t feel that if something like that happened in Justice League, no one would really give three shits about it. No Joke. I don’t feel like any of those characters have bothered to foster any kind of relationship within the five fucking years they have been working together.  They met up, punch shit, walk away. Batman acts like a douche canoe, but that is his default setting so we can just ignore him; everyone else, really doesn’t have an excuse. They didn’t keep the spirits of a lot of these characters, like Diana and Clark, and so they are all just douches who are hanging out. If you could call it that. They all seem to dislike one another, so it makes you wonder why they are bothering in the first place.

But what is most upseting, is that Justice League could be good. If they had spent some time doing characterization and not treating characters like props, things that have done could have worked. If they had laid ground work for Superman and Wonder Woman’s relationship, it could be a good read. But I don’t feel like they did. It is just, we should be together because we dress alike and hit things real hard. Because that is what they have boiled everything down to. And that is shitty writing.

And I can’t for the life of me, understand why it is selling. Unless people are hoping it will get better. The writting will get better when we force their hand, when we make them work to get our money again, people.

I think the thing about this that bothers me the most is that I feel the wrong comic got cancelled. A well written comic got trashed and one that doesn’t even bother defining characters is selling well. It is a little heartbreaking to me.

Which makes me want to say, Buy Batwoman, she is fucking awesome and well done. Hell, I think it is better than Wonder Woman. I would hate to see that one cancelled.


JLI and Superman and Wonder Woman

There it comes.

Okay, I promise this is the last time I talk about Supes and Wondy being in the worlds stupidest fucking relationship.

First off, I did read Justice League #12. I guess Diana loves you Steve, until you open your mouth and share your opinions on stuff. Then that means she needs to act like a bitch and go make out with Superman. That whole scene was just, we need to shit on a relationship that you ever saw to make sure you don’t like it. So we can make Superman and Wonder Woman work.  So I guess the new goal is to make them unlikeable. And it is working. Superman and Wonder Woman are becoming more unlikeable by the minute.

Second all, Clark was acting all depressed because Lois won’t pick Clark Kent first, mind you he hasn’t put himself out there, but she should be able to read his mind right? So the first time he tells Diana about Clark Kent they make out. I want to point out one thing. Diana doesn’t know Kent at all. So she picked Superman too. So that won’t be a problem because they are perfect together? Really? Really? This is the first conversation they have ever had that lasted longer than a fucking panel. And it ends with them making out and in a relationship. Look, a make out doesn’t mean shit.

Third off, the conversation that puts them together…just sucks. There is no chemistry, the timing is all weird and I swear I was expecting them to start sharing a razor because of how depressed they both sound. I felt like it was going to end with them cutting like two teenage girls. Not making out.

But we haven’t even gotten to the two main problems I have with this.

Fourth off, What happened to the confident fun, witty Wonder Woman we once had? Why doesn’t she do what she always does when problems come her way? She stands up and gets ready for a fight. She is an amazon, why is she running to a man for her fucking problems? She is lonely, I guess but she doesn’t seem like that in her stand alone. It’s hard for me as a fan of her to understand what happened to that. I don’t understand why she would even need a man for comfort. She is fucking Wonder Woman. She used to kick ass and take names. She was a character that I looked up to. Someone who if she was a real person, she would have qualities that all women should have. I found her in a low point in my life, during Gail Simone’s run. Part of me wants to say that run of comics keep me going. I saw worth in that character and her willingness to keep going. It help me find that in myself and keep going. Now I feel stupid that I ever liked her in the first place. DC thinks she is just something for Superman to plow, and I should too I guess. It seems like a waste of a good character. She was able to take on any problem and now she needs to run to someone’s arms first. This doesn’t feel like a moment of weakness, this feels like her new behavior. What happened to the woman who was willing to fight to win even if it meant her own death? I guess those days are over.  She is a woman in the DC Universe, and they are only sex objects now. Which needs to change. AND being that men mostly buy comics, it is up to them to decide if they want strong women or not.

Have to get rid of all the good ones. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE RELATIONSHIP!

Fifth, this stupid fucking relationship has to erase the good ones. Yes, I made jokes that Booster Gold and Godvia were going to go at it like rabbits, but there was honest to god chemistry there. It was a fun relationship that we saw coming but knew it was going to be fun. It wasn’t announced that it was coming; it was stuck in with subtext and subtly. They had to announce this relationship because no reader saw it coming. Now Booster Gold doesn’t exist anymore because Superman and Wonder Woman made out. Hell, the whole universe was rebooted so they could make this happen, so we lost Lois and Clark as well. Who is next? Guy and Tora? Hal and Carol? Oh, well Hal is dead again, so shit, I guess they got that one too. The fact is it shouldn’t be that way.

Sixth, I have a feeling, if this had been written well, it could have worked. But it wasn’t. The whole series has been just, kinda bad. I have read fan fictions that were better. How do we expect them to get better if we keep buying it? This is the first comic series that I have dropped. Issue 12 was a disappointment, and not just because of the relationship. The whole series was just like, I have no clue what the relationships between these characters. Do they like each other? Do they hate each other? NO FUCKING IDEA! Well, I guess now it is safe to say Superman is plowing Wonder Woman, because she doesn’t have that champion of Anthea things anymore. Their need to push this new relationship on us is just annoying, and trying to cut out the 74 years of Clark and Lois is just upsetting. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like her, Lois was a large part of the Superman Mythos, and you can’t just put your head in the sand and ignore it. She needs to at least be respected and DC just keeps acting like they change reality because it suits them.

Justice League International #11- Their Motto-We lose people and don’t notice.

Well, we finally got to see the JLI kick some ass without Batman, which was nice to see. In fact it was fucking awesome but one quick thing a question really….

Where the fuck is Batman? I know I said I wanted him out of the comic, but the last time we saw him, he was unconscious and being held up by a villain. Not the most graceful exit he has ever had, but really, that is a lose end to end all lose ends. These Villains have BATMAN, I would have dropped the JLI on their asses for a chance to take out fucking BATMAN. Dear writers that is a key detail to remember. You have to at least have a throwaway line about what happened. I couldn’t find one. Did the villains let him go because people like him and won’t want to see him get killed? Did Superman show up and say, that’s mine, I’m taking my gay lover back so gimme? Did Batman wake up and go, all hell no, and leave?

I hate waking up in places I don’t want to be Guy, I know your pain. [Justice League International #11]

We see every other member of the JLI in that box held together by Lightweaver, but Batman. Like he was never there in the first place, like everyone just dreamed his ass up. They have don’t seem to have noticed that Batman is missing. And it is clear they were waking up in the box.

Where is he? Did he escape? Is the JLI glad to be rid of him? Because no one seems to give a shit that he is missing. Or noticed, not one person is like, wasn’t Batman with us? I mean, it wasn’t like he was the only badass character in this thing, oh wait.

If he did escape, I would have liked to see how. And know why he didn’t save the others? Is he afraid of getting another hair job? Wrote them off as fuck ups and just left them to die? Or…..

Dear God. The Villains already killed Batman before they put the rest of the JLI in the box. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. Otherwise where is he? Does the Villains have him stashed somewhere? Because if I had an unconscious batman, and was a villain, I would tell you what I would do to him….I would put a bullet between his eyes. The man is fucking dangerous. And I would be evil. Batman at this point has proven time and time again that he is fucking dangerous. Why the hell, when I have him in a position to get rid him of him, I wouldn’t? There would be no fancy fucking set up. Just something quick and done, and that would be all she wrote for the Goddamn Batman.

In other words, this is a big fucking hole that needs a fucking plug. I mean, Batman need to get out of this series, because there was no reason for him to be there, but this was not the way to do it. You don’t just throw a character out with no explanation, like they did. Last we saw him, he was unconscious. It would be one thing to see him go, you all got this, later bitches; but no, you had him get his ass kicked by a villain and then disappear next issue. (BTW, it will be fun to see how long it takes him to wonder his ass back in. Because he gets bored….and lonely. But mostly bored.)  And I would love to see them go and recuse Batman. Of course he would have already recused himself so it would be pointless.

OH AND CALLED THAT SHIT BITCHES! (I did so, right here)

Oh Who called that, I believe it was me! [Justice League International #11]

Other Odes I should have written

I wrote the ode to Sam, even though it will be a few more weeks before we find out if he is dead or not. But I wonder if I should start one for Fire or Mari in JLI yet or not.

This is really, the only thing I remember Fire saying. This the only thing I remember her doing in JLI. And it is about BATMAN, Not herself.

I mean, Fire is in a coma, after only getting to say about a few lines of dialogue, mostly talking about how Batman was going to put the smack down on some guy. That is really it before they exploded her. Because, it WAS ABOUT DRAMA! I honestly didn’t mind this one that much, because they had it building in the back ground. That bombing had a purpose, even if it was something that I may not agree with. The people didn’t want the International team to begin with, and they did have an okay set up into that event. Will she pull through? We aren’t sure. It is still on the fence. And it works.

Mari has the chance of being paralyzed? Would she still be on the team then? I feel like this a new set up for someone to take the oracle role. Which could work, I mean, it isn’t fair to think she is just going to drop out of being a superhero, just because she can’t walk. Barbara Gordon kept on trucking. I would like to think that Mari would be the same way. She would not take that shit laying down. And yes, I know I made a really shitty joke there. Just go with it. I have to open in the morning and am trying to get this done. She is Vixen damn it. She will get back up somehow.

For the most part, these two characters will probably come out fine. Because DC doesn’t have a good reason to kill them or take them out of the game really this early. There was a stupid reason to kill Sam. That was because Sam made us see that Alan Scott is gay, and his death is going to affect Alan. That means Alan won’t be dating. Which means they can have a gay superhero and not have to show the relationship that goes with it, because that would make waves. So Alan Scott being gay is pointless. They should tell us about a relationship, not show us. That is breaking writer’s rule one, show don’t tell. This is even worst when it is a fucking comic book we are talking about because it is design to show us the story. I say fuck that and let the gay loving happen. Even if Sam doesn’t make it, it would be nice to see Alan morn. And maybe, dare I say it, look for love again. After all, he is human, not a fucking mourning Dove. (Fuck, look at Batman; he still is trying to find love even though most of the women he dates try to kill him. Or rape him in the desert. Because she wants a baby boy to rule the world with.) I hope they at least give him that. If that doesn’t happen, I will be more pissed. Because there would have been no reason for anything that went down.

Oh Justice League International……

What can I say about it? It is really, really amusing to me, and I am not completely sure why. I mean I burst out laughing at it a lot, and call it “Batman and Guy Gardner teach Justice League rejects how to be superheroes.”

Look at issues one, politicians putting together a League to do….something? The same thing that the Justice League of America does, even though they do work all over the world, they are just centered out of America, so, not sure how that works, but I feel I’m getting off topic. Booster Gold is the leader because the politicians can control him. With money. (Also, I’m just going to point out that Booster and Godiva are going to knock boots in an upcoming issue. They hint at it so bad that I am surprised they don’t have them just dry hump yet.)

I would love to see this fight. I mean Batman would own him.

Oh, and my favorite part, BATMAN has nothing better to do than to hang out with these people. Batman is not on that team, but don’t tell him that, he won’t believe you. I mean it’s bad. He is in every freaking issues so far, like there is nothing in Gotham for him to do? Or something with the JLA? I doubt that. I have a feeling one of the writers wanted to write Batman and got told no. So they threw him into the International crew to just have him. The Reason he gives is kind of lame, that he knows that the UN had a reason for making Booster leader and not Guy; and he is going to find out what. Ummm, Guy is a Green Lantern and mostly will not be on Earth a lot. That is a good reason for me, just saying. Booster isn’t going to hide anything, and Booster is from the future that has no countries, it is not like he has a stake in anything.  There, all perfectly good reasons that don’t point to evil. The UN hasn’t given them a reason not to trust them; they are just kind of stupid on how the League works. I think Bats is just bored, and wants to fart around with new people. Or maybe he and Superman got in a fight over the last coke in the watchtower fridge and this is Batman’s way of getting over it. Which, scarily enough, I could see happening. I guess my biggest problem with Batman, jokes aside, being in the series so much is that it feels forced to me, like they don’t trust these characters to carry the story on their own (and don’t get me wrong, I love the Batman, but that is why I read all his series to get that fix…). I would like to see the JLI get to be the JLI without Batman. And I think that having Batwing in the story is going to make his presence disappear a bit. At least I hope so.

You have to feel bad for the whole crew; they have really no understanding of what they are doing, and are forced to work together. They don’t know what each other can do for god’s sake and are expected to act like the real Justice League. I don’t know what the UN is smoking but I would like some. It has to be good shit.

Seriously, I can respect her on this.

And I think Godiva is pretty useless. She’s a fun, great character. Pretty damn useless at what she is expected to do, but still fun. She fights with her hair for God’s Sake. One lit match by her head and she is done, taken care of. I can respect the fact that even she sees herself as pretty useless, at least when it comes to the big stuff they are going to have to deal with. She makes a lot of good points on what she thought versus what is the reality, and she is the only one who has the balls to say that. After all, she is a beat cop expected to be a fucking Marine. And I know Guy started out as a high school gym teacher and became a Green Lantern, but the difference is that he got trained for it. She deserves snaps for that. I doubt that she knew her power would work in zero gravity; after all, she had never tried it before. As I said before, I like her, but my god she has a stupid superpower. At least she is witty. Though she wins funniest panel I have ever seen in my life I think.

My god they are cute! I can’t help it okay.

Oh, and Guy and Tora? Adorable. ‘Nuff Said.

Well, that sucks….

And I think Red Rocket isn’t dead, but is going to come back as villain. Because what was the point of showing us that thing scanning him? Or was that what caused Lightweaver to have everyone’s stats?  Isn’t he part of OMAC? Because that strikes me as kind of lazy writing either way.

Dumb aside: And another thing, isn’t Red Rocket the words they used for that one joke in South Park, you know, the one with the dog wanking?

Here is another Adorable Guy and Tora. Can’t get enough of them, and can’t end this on dead Red Rocket.

HI Red Rocket! Boy I hope something bad doesn’t happen to you while Guy and Tora pretend they hate each other!