A Bonus Blog -Backlog And Batwoman

NOTe: This was an old Blog post that said it posted but pulled a dick move and didn’t, so I am reposting it now. And because I think there are a few points that need to get out into the world.

Because my Comic was closed for a bit, and they are pretty much the only pony in town ((Not completely true, but the other places are not my boys damnit)) I have a huge backlog of comics that I have to get through. And we are talking a few, we are talking about fifty.

So because of that, I’m a bit behind. But Fear not, I have something to Bitch about!

Batwoman has been dropping the ball for me so hard core that it is driving me mad. Her and Wonder Woman may be in the same comic, but they might as well be half way across the world from one another, because I honestly could not buy they were working together. There is a little text box Diana has about how she is not as brave as Batwoman and basically a shitty human being.

Hey, Remember when Wonder Woman kicked some serious ass and was willing to do what ever it took to get the job done? Where she was a strong female character who didn’t need a man to drag her around and have someone basically control everything that she did? Yea? How she was the one out of the Trinty to do whatever it took to save the world, including killing a man even if it ment the two men she saw as her best friends and allies may never talk to her again? Yea, me too, and I want to know where the fuck did she go?

The New 52 Wonder Woman is complete shit. Her own comic isn’t about her, it’s about the new gods and everyone else in the story. SHe isn’t strong or Brave, she is just there. She is a prop. And it pains me to say that. I love Diana. Or more of I loved what was there before they decided that her only use was to get in Superman’s bed and not leave it. That her only worth is just to be Superman’s fuck toy, and that she is weak and whimpy. Fuck, she feels that way in her own comic. And they wonder why she isn’t selling. They removed all that made her Wonder Woman there. I hate how that has become the most important thing in the Universe, is what is going in Wonder Woman’s vagina. It shouldn’t be. As I have said so many fucking times before, That should not be the corner stone of your universe is two characters and their fucking relationship. It is still written like they are friends, and really, it should have ended 2 issues ago.  It has no where to go, and the characters have no contrast with each other. Contrast in a romantic relationship is what makes it interesting for the viewer, the reader, what have you. No Contrast, no Drama. DC is trying to force drama because everyone is against it. Which makes it come off forced. But That is a blog post for another day. Because I’m still pissed about it.

And she is coming that way in Batwoman. And the other problem I have with it is that Batwoman has become to fucking worder. I have issue 14, and got it before my shop was closed down for two weeks, and I just just can’t get through it. It’s like someone is trying to pull my teeth out of my head. There are though speeches, and they are fucking speeches, that these two women have that go fucking no where. And it would be much more interesting to see these two women interact. I was excited at first because I thought the real Wonder Woman was going to be in there. She isn’t.

I have been making jokes to my Fiancee that blue boot Wonder Woman isn’t Wondy. She is a puppet made by Cicere to think she is Wonder Woman, and make everyone else think that too. And Red Boot Wonder Woman is really out there somewhere, and when she breaks free, she is gonna kick the shit out of Blue Boot Wonder Woman. I would say that is what DC is leading up for, but really, that is never going to fucking happen, because that would be creative. And DC doesn’t do creative. They do gimmiky and bullshit.

Marvel does, and that new Deadpool comic is going to be the greatest thing ever.

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Batman Arkham City End Game- Or stab me in the face please, I will have more fun

I finally found a Batman Comic that makes me wants to beat my head against the wall. I will admit I haven’t finished Arkham City because I’m trying to finish all the side bullshit first, but I know how the game ends. And really, this is just some weird addition no one asked for. And it suck dick. And yes, that is my professional opinion.
The turning point where it went from kind of bad to just completely stupid is when Batman gets kicked in the balls by a mannequin with a TV Joker head. I will point out I loved those from the games, but really, it was just a token what the fuck. Batman, you would think, had learned not to get that close to anything attached to the Joker, after the last time when he was FUCKING STABBED WITH A NEEDLE FULL OF THE MAN’S BLOOD!
This one of those things that I really, really hate when people like to write Batman is this: that he is functional retarded when the plot needs him to be. That, is short, bullshit for this reason, DC has built this man up to be super intelligent, to the point that he can understand that maybe getting near something that was built by a man, WHO LAST TIME YOU RAN INTO HIM STABBED YOU WITH A NEEDLE FULL OF POISIN BLOOD, may not be a good idea. Unless Batman is drunk at this point in time, it makes no sense.
You know what is sad? I started reading it again, not because I wanted to, but because I messed up the cross stitch I was working on so bad I had to rip out all the stitches. That, folks, is not a point in its favor. That I had to stop the thing I was enjoying to spend more time on this piece of trash.
Why this comic just doesn’t work, is a simple reason. It’s too slow. And they were able to take a character, as fun, and as bad ass as the Joker and make him fucking boarding. There is a point where the Joker has talked about his plan to hide money in Gotham to cause chaos because people are trying to find it; and I was being for a root canal. I mean, really, the Joker, who could be hilariously terrifying, is just boarding. This is a character, who I feel, if he broke into your house he would either, A)Shot your grandmother, B)Eat your cat in front of you then leave, or C)Both, because it made sense to him at the time. And these people made him boarding. Holy Shit, I didn’t think that was possible. It would be one thing if you were trying to do that, but really, there is no reason for it. That and there is a subplot with Harelyquinn that goes nowhere. You could have cut it all the stuff with her and it would have made the same amount of sense.
I could also live my life happily without ever seeing Batman spray a naked Joker down with a fire hose. I don’t think a night of hard core drinking with get that out of my head.
And then there is this part where the Joker from beyond the grave tries to blow up Batman, and honestly, it doesn’t make any sense. I mean, there is no reason given why Batman is able to escape the explosion, he is just alive. Do you want to know what tricks he used to get out of it? SO THE FUCK WOULD I! Saying its because he is batman is not a good enough reason for me, you have to give me some way that he was able to get out of there. I got on JLI for this, having Batman just bugger off in a storyline is dropping the ball a little bit, but I get why they pulled him out of there. This is a batman comic were no one is worth paying attention too.
And this comic was 6.99. I’m mad I spent that much. It’s nowhere near what Arkham Unhinged is, where there are tight storylines and people trying to tell interesting tales. This was just, here is some bullshit that happened. Whatever. I know they already have my money, but every time DC does this, it makes me want to rip more things off my pull list. It is already turning into a Marvel list, and at the rate they are going I’m going to start dropping the things I do like, in fear that more comics will turn to shit. And I’m sure for a fact I’m not the only fan pulling this shit.
The art isn’t good. So it doesn’t even have that working out in its favor. The only thing that it does have is a panel that really just sums up the whole experience with it in two panels. You just have to remember that we are batman, and the comic is the Joker.

This is how we start the new year off, with a kick in the fucking balls. Great.

This is how we start the new year off, with a kick in the fucking balls. Great.

This isn’t the first Batman Comic I have read that was bad. Gotham Nights was pretty terrible, but it was still entraining, and I have the amount the fun that I thought I would. And I only spent 4 bucks on those and turned them into two posting. This I could barely get through because it was pretty much unreadable. Gotham Nights I would at least suggest, because of the fun that it was, and so the nineties you could smell if off it.

Batman Ghost

There are two types of Batman that I love. The first one we have talked about before, which is Papa Bat, where someone has made a mistake of touching one of his babies, giving them a scrap on the knee, in which he must eat their face off to fix it. The second one, which is much rarely, and I love more, is the I –Don’t-Give-a-Fuck-Bat, which usually happens when either the situation is too stupid that even the Batman can’t look at without cracking a smile or he just doesn’t know how to react to it.
This brings me to Batman Ghost, which the legendary team Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale gave us, and hot damn it is wonderful; it’s what happens when the Batman meets Halloween and Charles Dickens! I don’t know really were to start this without saying, you want a fun batman story, this one is worth picking up.
It starts out with Bruce at a Halloween party, reminding himself why he isn’t a big fan of people when the penguins shows up because it is a bunch of rich people in Gotham. You would think that if you were rich, live in Gotham, you sure as fuck wouldn’t want to throw a party. I mean, look at what happens every time Bruce Wayne throws an event. Some crazy mother fucking comes out of the woodwork and decides to, at the very least, steal whatever you were a)selling, b) raising for charity, and/or c) the person you were throwing the party for. Anyways, Bruce Wayne gets kicked out of a window, which was high above Gotham City, Batman comes back throw the window, kicks ass, and the next shot is Batman walking home.

You fell out of a window that was a few stories up. Alfred is going to have to explain why you aren't dead. Dick Move Batman, Dick Move.

You fell out of a window that was a few stories up. Alfred is going to have to explain why you aren’t dead. Dick Move Batman, Dick Move.

Yea. The Penguin fight isn’t the point to this story. Oh no, it about the craziness that happens next. Though it is one of my favorite panels of all time in it.
So Bruce comes home and goes to bed, because, well, what else is he going to do? I know this doesn’t sound very exciting, but this sets up for one of the greatest things ever. Thomas Wayne shows up, in the role of the first Ghost of Halloween. He, like Jacob Marley, is the Harold for the other ghost of the evening. Why is this the Halloween Verison of the Christmas Carol? Because do you really see Batman learning about the meaning of Christmas, which is, FAMILY TOGETHERNESS? The Meaning of Halloween is, well, as best as I can guess after reading the whole thing is shut up and hand out candy. Then when you die people will remember who you are.

You can't help but be a Dick, huh Batman?

You can’t help but be a Dick, huh Batman?

Well the Ghost of Halloween Past shows up, who is poison Ivy, which leads into my next favorite joke. See, this ties back into the Don’t Give a Fuck. Batman doesn’t seems to understand or care what is going on. This is just a bunch to bulllshit to him, and he is just rolling with it. It is such a rare side of him that we get to see, which adds to the fun I think. I always enjoy seeing Bruce let his hair down. Anyways, they look over what happened in the past, where it is clear Thomas Wayne was a workaholic, which I always thought was a cheap way to go with that Character. I have always had a little bit of a problem of Batman coming from the worlds perfect family. I must have been one of the few people who liked Morrison’s version of Thomas Wayne from Batman RIP. I like the idea of Thomas Wayne isn’t there because he is working, but that he is in a Bar somewhere flinging Dollars at a Stripper. And Yes, I do have a bit of a shitty relationship with my father, why do you ask?
Anyways, we find that Bruce has always been a dick, and didn’t have friends as a kid. I don’t know what to think about this, beside it being a little sad and not really surprising. I sure Bruce as always been a little bit of a stick in the mud, and being every friend that he has admitted to having from childhood tried to kill him, Tommy Elliot anyone? ((Clearly a shitty Judge of character.)) There is also a part with Fox, as another Halloween in the past, IN FRANCE! Because WHY NOT!
The Next Ghost is the Joker, and my third panel that made me laugh out loud. This is just a fight between the Ghost Joker and Batman, which makes Batman looks like a little bitch, mostly because he doesn’t care that much, and fails to notice that he came downstairs in his PJ bottoms ((Fan service for Females, because, why the fuck not)) And is now in his batsuit, when the third Ghost shows up.
The third Ghost has no real character it is supposed to be, it is just the grim reaper, and shows Bruce his grave, in which he flips out and decides to hand candy out on Halloween so people would remember him. Yea, the story falls a little flat in the end, but it is fun read.  But we will end on the best joke in this thing, because, well, why not. This is before he mets up with the Joker Ghost.

Yea, clearly this is the shrimp doing all this to you.

Yea, clearly this is the shrimp doing all this to you.

Deadpooly Love

I was planning on doing an article about how DC is sexist, and have a lot good points such as how they treat women in their comics, along with Gail Simone’s unprofessional firing; then I realized something. What is the point of pointing out that DC is sexist, when that is like saying the sky is blue? Fish swim, bird fly, and DC are sexist mother fuckers. I’m sure it will get better when they realize women have the right to vote, and money of their own that they could buy comics with; but that seems to be far off. After all, the first comic they decide to throw at the fair sex ((Which wasn’t Wonder Woman, because she is for men now, which is why they got rid of the Amazons. Thought I don’t think that men are going to run around in Wonder Woman stuff, but what the fuck do I know. I have tits.)) had a rape scene in it for edgy shook value that just turned me off to the series.
So let me talk about Deadpool instead. We are on issues three now and can I talk about something that I think is awesome, is that most of the presidential facts they throw out into the story are pretty much right on the money. I mean Benjamin Franklin was the world biggest womanizer. They have brought that up twice and fun fact, they sent Franklin to France because he keep sticking it to everyone’s wife. I like this just because it gives more depth to the story, and I love how in the first issue had Jimmy Carter there pointing out he isn’t dead and we haven’t seen him since. So I don’t know what to think of that, but it is what it is.
I think writing were we can see the research is always better. It shows how they much they care about their craft and how far they are willing to make a joke. And it makes for better and much more clever writing. And Deadpool is the shit.
I don’t have any way to end this, so I take a small bow. So here is Teddy beating up a Bear. Just Because I can end it on that. And it is my favorite panel of all time now.

OH MY GOOD GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!

OH MY GOOD GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!

Batman TAS

It’s final week, and since I am having a hard time pulling myself away from studying. So I’m just going to talk about some of my favorite episodes of the Batman TAS. And if you haven’t seen it, go to YouTube and educate yourself. ((I have the first three box sets, like a boss.))

1)Catwalk- It’s a Catwoman episode were she decides to go back to thieving, thanks to scarface. I enjoy the TAS Catwoman a lot more than the one in the comics and I really can’t tell you why. I think it is because she is a little more compassion and more about helping others. So she comes off more as a foil to Batman than an enemy of his. I also like this episode because it does have Batman and Catwoman working together for most of it.

2.) Tyger, Tyger- It’s another Catwoman episode, where she is being turned into some kind of cat creature. I really like this one for the literature references, because any time that a kid’s show quotes William Blake, so it’s all good.

3.) Beware of the Gray Ghost- I just love Batman being a fan boy. That’s really it. And it is cute to see the little boy Bruce in the flashbacks with his dad. It gives us a real sense that Bruce really did lose something great. I don’t get the feeling in the new 52.

4.) Heart Of Ice- It’s the first Freeze episode. Batman beats him with a cup of chicken soup and you learn that Freeze is a victim just as bad as Nora is. The New 52 annual killed that, and it’s ashamed because now Freeze loses

5.) The Underwellers- This is one of the most depressing episodes ever. I didn’t care for it that much when I was a kid, but seeing it as an adult now, holy shit. Kids being forced to steal for an adult, and one of the very few times that we see Batman SUPER PISSED, so it is what it is.

Well, that is my list, and I have to get back to studying.

Robin is too damn tall

Character Heights?

I don’t know how to start with this. I’m not sure it is a rant on art or not. And it is kinda stupid. ((And I’m using Damian becaue he is the one I noticed it with))

Let’s go with it’s an art rant. Or at least a style rant.

And it starts with this. Either Damian is different ages in the different range of comics he is in, or DC has no fucking clue how tall ten year old as.

There is something off about this. Maybe its the TEN YEAR OLD IS TOO FUCKING TALL

First of all, Bruce is a huge dude. He is over 6ft tall, and I have no problem with that. I do have problems with his TEN year old son coming up to his shoulder. I was tall at ten, but I didn’t come up to my mother’s shoulder. She isn’t a big woman. But not only that, I’M THE SEX WITH TITS! I went through my growth spurt before the boys in my class, like a lot go girls. Boys get their height later in puberty. SHIT almost all of DC is men. You would think they would remember this. And then it others it feels like he is coming up to Bruce’s waist. So either this Kid gets bored and hops on slits whenever he has the mood strike, or there is poor communication on how tall he should be.

They are standing next to each other. WTF?

The other thing that is, no matter who is drawing him, if they had a standard place where he hit on someone, it should translate over to all the comics. Least say, they do it by the height of a character based on, I unno, the number of the character’s head stacked on top of itself. (Clearly, I’m not sure how to state this, between the sick and the Dayquil. So if it makes sense, bully good for me.) If that is uniform, for all the artist styles, then the heights would be uniform. But clearly I’m batshit crazy and this can never be.

To sum my rant up, because in my head cold state, I’m not sure how clear I am: I understand different artist are going to draw him different ways. But that only explains why they will look at little different from comic to comic, not their heights. Character heights should be uniform because this shit isn’t that hard!

Sorry this isn’t really at long or that funny, I’m sick from stress and the weather changing out here.  ((It rained, in Southern California!))

GODAMNIT YOU SHOT HIM WHEN YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!

Detective Comics got a new writing team. Who I’m beginning to think are idiots. They showed us this really pointless scene between Batman, Ivy, and a Hitman. Now, the penguin has put a hit on Ivy, so the hitman has knocked her and the Batman out. Then the hitman decides to monologue about how he would love to shot batman through the head, but gives him a pass.

Really, when are you going to get a better chance.

Why? THE FUCK IF I KNOW. It would have been better if they had not even bothered with the scene. Then you can pull a turn that it looks like Ivy got up on her own and leave the reader guessing on what happened. Did Ivy just lead Bats into a trap? Well, with Clayface showing up in the end, I’m gonna go with yes. They could have pulled a twist later down the line, but no, they went with this. I really feel like they are treating the reader like we are retard. So they spell out shit like this, but don’t bother to tell us where his girlfriend came from. All it does it explain why they wouldn’t shot Batman, because they are a fucking idiot. No really, how many hits does this man have on him, I bet there are enough shot on sight with him.

But this just feeds into my theory about Batman and Lex Luther. They are not smart, at all, being that one is a mental stunted child, and the other is a clear homosexual suffering from repression and his need to have sex with Superman is his driving force for life. In other words, Bat and Lex aren’t geniuses. Everyone else in the universe is just retarded; so the two of them are just battling to be crowned king of the retards.

This BITCH!

The other thing this writing team did that made me want to hit my head against the wall is they brought Natayla with them. And this is where I need to point out something that DC seems to not understand. Just telling us that the character likes this person, is not good writing; it’s show not tell. You can tell me all day long you have the greatest girlfriend in the world, but  until I met her, I’m not going to judge her by what you told me. I am gonna judge her by how she acts. And Natalya is a cunt. That is what they have shown that. I can’t wait till the nagging bitch wonders out of the comic either by leaving him, turning out to be a Villain, or getting killed. Jania Huson, you know, the white rabbit? She was fucking cool. I, as a girl, found her fucking hot, and wanted to see her date Bats. Which I know I bitch that I wish he was smarter in dating villains, but really, SHE WAS HOT AND I WANTED TO SEE HER NAKED! She was also a complex character, and they threw her out. Which I think is just a sign DC can’t have complex women.

You were put on a bus it seems? COME BACK TO ME! OR KILL NATALYA!

….well, there was no way to say that sentence without me coming off Bi. Well, fuck you, I can enjoy a nice set of tits as well as the next girl.

But back to this relationship thing, it really feels like DC has no fucking idea how to write them anymore. They just write relationships like they have been living in their mom’s basements and using a porn base for how women act. Which is never a good idea.

Oh, and Damian showed up in this issues, which made me happy. I know peeps aren’t a huge fan of the kid, but damnit I like him.

This wasn’t a bad comic. It was what DC has been putting out, a comic. Nothing Stellar, but a comic none the less. What I complained about is the worst of it.